Filed under: Feelings, Life, Relationship, Secret Garden, Thought | Tags: hurt, sad, tears, zhuzhu's Secret Garden
Last night he wanted to show me his back has been injured. It was very scary and “sam tong” to see him like that but I didn’t want to see even he kept asking me to take a look. I just didn’t want to see. It’s not that I didn’t care for him but I just didn’t want to see and know anymore. I have so much hurt and feel so tired. This morning who knows he called and SMS again with a lot of nasty words after he was unhappy and couldn’t get what he wish from me. Telling me that he is seeing other gals, don’t love me anymore, I’m an evil woman & etc. I just wonder whether he is an adult? Did he really know what he is doing? He likes to comment people being childish, then what actually he is doing now? If you don’t love someone anymore, just let it go. I just know don’t try and spend so much effort to hurt someone that you loved before by being nasty and so mean. It’s not a virtue. It also projects how unethical you are. However, I know that it doesn’t important to him at all. He cares for his feelings and himself more than anyone else. He just loves himself more than anything and anyone. What he wants just only to vent his anger by being nasty, sarcastic, evil to hurt that person he loved before. I am really really really disappointed for everything about him. How to be forgive and forget for someone like him that he never realizes his problems and mistakes even you still love? How many times I want to forgive and forget? How many how many times he wants?????? Is it worth it? It’s just a bad cycle of my life to continue the same like in the past.
Being nasty with mean hurtful words, venting anger by throwing stuff and solex padlock to smash the galfren’s car, banging the room door and car door by full force, everything I went through just a sorry from him and I have to learn myself to forgive and forget for whatever his done to me. Sorry seemed to be nothing to me already. This is the one who he said he loved me and had done to me. I have encountered too much fears, phobia, hurts, heartbroken and disappointment from him which were not accumulated just one or two days. It’s along the way which he just disregarded all these I’ve been through. It’s so funny that he accused me of being ignorant and disregards of his feelings. Then how about my feelings? Nobody will care, especially him.
It’s almost 2 years we have been together. There were so much happy moments in the past that I really cheerish but as I said it’s just the past. There is no turn back time. I cannot turn back time to still have a gentle, caring, respectful him in the PAST. I don’t mind he don’t love me anymore. I canot stop people to cheat me and seeing other women but for the sake of mercy, just stop hurting me by being so mean to me in the last now. I have enough already. Since he keeps saying how worse I am as a galfren, may be I’m really not good enough to give what he wants. I cannot cook for him, washing clothes for him, nag at him, whack at him, play with him, pinch him, bite him, hug him, tickle him, care for him, kissgoodbye him and love him anymore in future. Hopefully he could be happy with the one he looks for.
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